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The basic process paradigm is that signals and information from the client-therapist pair contain their own structure and implicit evolution, that is, the solutions to the problems at hand. The method was to wait to develop a strategy until the structure had become apparent.When working with people with whom I have trouble communicating, I always refer to my video tape recording. I often make decisions only after having studied the video in order to discover which information I have not allowed myself to pick up and why I did not pick it up. If the client becomes increasingly unhappy during the session or afterwards, or if my communication to the client does not receive a favorable response, I assume that I have to change. I usually find out that I have rigid conceptions of how people t should be or am unconscious of something I am projecting onto the client which makes it impossible for me either to pick up or to deal openly with what is happening. For example, in one sitting where a woman suffering from chronic alcoholism spoke about what seemed to me to be a harmful interaction with her little children, I entered a cyclical and antagonist process with her in which I was anything but helpful, either to her or those around her. She brought up problems in myself I first had to deal with before I was even able to understand the video tape.This particular woman helped me to be definitive about my own goals in working with her and others, and helped me to become aware of the occasional discrepancy between what the therapist’s and client’s goals may be. As far as I know, my goals seem to be (1) to achieve what I interpret to be unequivocal positive response from the client, (2) to get the same response from the environment, (3) to enjoy myself to the utmost, and (4) to appreciate the nature of difficult situations. Obviously I have to be wide awake about myself because not every client will automatically join me in these expectations!*30\227\8*

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I identify with the woman described in the following poem from Ruth Graham’s book Sitting by My Laughing Fire:
She waited for the call
That never came; searched every mail
For a letter, or a note,
Or card,
That bore his name;
And on her knees
At night
And on her feet
All day, she stormed Heaven’s Gate
In his behalf-she plead for him
In Heaven’s high court.
“Be still and wait,” the word
He gave; and so she knew
He would do in, and for, and with him,
That which she never could.
Doubts ignored, she went about her chores with joy;
Knowing, though spurned,
His word was true.
The prodigal had not returned
But God was God,
And there was work to do.
For me, that describes hope. Hope is the essential ingredient to make it through life. It is the anchor of the soul. The Lord is good to those who hope in Him. If your hope is gone, it can be rekindled. You can regain hope—you can refocus your view and wait on the Lord to renew your strength.
The title of this chapter may be puzzling you. How can you feel better if you’ve given up hope? What it means is, once you give up hope in all your own efforts and quit depending on your own strength, that’s when you can start to have REAL HOPE in what God can do!
Think of your life, with all the mistakes, sins, and woes of the past, like the tangles in a ball of yarn. It’s such a mess that you could never begin to straighten it out. It is such a comfort to drop the tangles of life into God’s hands, and then LEAVE THEM THERE. If there is one message I want to share with you, it is to place your child, your spouse, your friend, whomever it might be, in God’s hands and release the load to Him. God alone can untangle the threads of our lives. WHAT A JOY AND COMFORT IT CAN BE TO DROP ALL THE TANGLES OF LIFE INTO GOD’S HANDS AND THEN SIMPLY LEAVE THEM THERE! That’s what hope is all about.
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