Some years ago I was invited to speak on a radio show with Lendon Smith, M.D., the famous pediatrician. Lendon spoke about caring for infants, while I talked about stress seekers, avoiders and handlers. Naturally, one of the callers we spoke with asked how a stress seeker can become a stress handler. That’s very difficult, I explained, because a stress seeker is like a race horse, straining against the reins to win every race. When they try to behave like stress handlers, they feel as if they’re chained to the starting gate, unable to run. Through my own experience, and that of many of my patients, I’ve found that many stress seekers cannot become stress handlers anymore than a race horse can be transformed into a turtle. But they can become reformed stress seekers.
The reformed stress seeker combines the stress seeker’s abundant energy and desire with the stress handler’s relaxed, friendly approach. I am a reformed stress seeker. I had to learn to recognize my own stress-seeking habits, how I was feeding on them and how they hurt me. Like any compulsive person, I must always work against my stress-seeking tendencies.
Reformed stress seekers love challenges but have learned what their limits are. They’ll tackle problems head-on, but if they can’t lick them without making themselves sick, they’ll either learn to live with it by changing their perceptions or walk away from the situation.
Lacking the stress handler’s instinctive recognition of stressful situations, the reformed stress seeker must pay careful attention to his or her life, carefully assessing feelings and the environment, “sniffing out” potential stress.
Most importantly, the reformed stress seeker must decide that health and happiness are too precious to risk on unnecessary battles.
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