Where, during courtship or engagement, the relationship is seen to be wrong or unsuitable, it is best to end it in a straightforward way with a rational discussion of the reasons. However, having said this, not everyone is capable of dealing with rejection and tactics for ending the relationship may have to be modified. Threats and blackmail have to be resisted because an unsuitable relationship will only become more unsuitable as time goes by. Women especially may make suicidal gestures on such occasions and men may behave unsociably and even violently. In such cases they may need medical help. If you are rejected, here are some helpful thoughts:
1 Considering how rotten a bad marriage can be, you have had a lucky escape.
2 You should be wiser and more clever in choosing your next partner and managing the relationship; after all, if you have learned nothing of value to help you next time, you have only yourself to blame.
4 Even thinking about the situation in terms of ‘failure’ is wrong since relationships are about mutual compatibility and not about estimates of the eternal or absolute worth of the participants.
5 You are free for all the thrills and excitements of making another choice and testing it in courtship.
Having said all this, it has to be admitted that the abandonment that is involved, especially if the partner has left the relationship for someone else, and the sense of loss, exposes the individual to depression, mourning, self-criticism and a temporary loss of self-confidence and esteem. Women seem, on average, less able to cope with this kind of set-back than men and being rejected in this way can sometimes alter their self-esteem for the rest of their life.
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